


As I lay here

by siberat



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:46:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siberat/pseuds/siberat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Pharma lays all broken from his fall, he reflects back on his past relationship with Ratchet</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Orn- 1 day  
Joor- hour  
Vorn- year  
Klik- minute  
Set's of periods... ... ... Are flashback sequences.

 

White emptiness surrounded him as the sensations crept back. The first one he felt was the coldness. Not just temperature wise of the snow covered planet, but the vastness of how empty he had became from loosing everything. He wanted it gone, but not exactly like this. The second sensation that returned to the blue mech was pain. His broken body ached from the crash of the fall as well as his forearms, which also had a tingling sensation. But worst of all, his spark ached as he laid at the bottom of a crevasse, alone and forgotten.

Groaning, Pharma lifted his helm slightly and lifted his hands to rub his face. His optics widened in shock as he realized why his arms hurt; his hands had been sliced off. That's right. Now he remembered clinging to the edge of the flight deck, barely able to hang on and begging for help. The next thing he knew, a sword severed his limbs and sent him falling. Unable to transform-there was no way he was going to activate the virus- the blue medic had no choice but just let himself fall.

How could Ratchet do this to him? He had just let him fall to his probable death-for if the fall didn't kill him, sooner or later the elements would or the lack of medical treatment would. Letting out a painful sigh, Pharma flopped his head back on the ground and looked up to the sky. How he wished he could be flying through those puffy white clouds instead of trapped on the snow covered ground with his body aching in pain. Pharma clenched his optics closed as the pain proved to be too much, and lapsed back offline with only his memories of his past to keep him company.

... ... ... ...

As soon as the door swished open, Pharma raced into the room and tossed his luggage at the foot of his berth. "Thank Primus that is over with!" The blue jet exclaimed and flopped himself down on his berth. His room mate, who was working on writing up a report on a pod, swiveled his chair around at the loud entrance the other made.

"Tough time with the family?" Ratchet asked, ready to hear the long winded rant Pharma was know to give.

"Oh, it was excruciating! As always!" Pharma said as he sat up on his berth and reached for the dorm mini fridge. He grabbed himself a can of high grade and cracked the tab open. He half heartily offered it to Ratchet,who naturally denied it. "Suit yourself," Pharma shrugged and gulped the contents down til the can was empty.

"Take it easy," Ratchet said shaking his head. He knew his room mate had issues with his family and didn't blame him for wanting a stiff drink. However, he had a major report to write, and when Pharma got overcharged, staying focused on his work was very hard. "So, what happened this time?"

"Ehhh! My brothers," Pharma threw his hands up. "The youngest decided to join the military, and of course my carriers think that's the best thing in the world to do. You know, they gave me such a hard time with the fact I didn't want to join. And of course, my carriers ogled and pretty much rubbed it in my face that I chose not to go into the military."

"Did you show them the honors you received with high marks?" Ratchet asked.

"Yup," Pharma replied as he grabbed another cold drink. "Pretty much shrugged it off, claiming I could have been better." He looked down at his pedes. "Maybe I could have,"

"Don't say that You worked very hard your entire last semester and did great," Ratchet said. He truly felt bad for Pharma. He met his carriers once, and it was enough to make his plating crawl. They treated their son so poorly, verbally degrading him at any chance and pretty much allowed the sibling rivalry by doing nothing about it. In fact, Ratchet was confident they encouraged it by doing the same thing to Pharma. "Look, you'll become a great medic, Pharma. Don't let your family discourage you."

"Why don't you like the things Axl likes," Pharma said in his best imitation of his carriers. "Why don't you act like Crowbar." Pharma waved his hands around and scrunched up his face while holding his optics open wide in such a comical manner it caused Ratchet to bust out laughing. Pharma soon joined in.

"Come on," Ratchet said catching his breath. "You'll be just fine in your field."

"Glad you think so," Pharma said as he took a big swig of the energon. "Wish my family had a bit more faith in me. But I'll prove them wrong."

"If they don't see your abilities- your passion- for the medical field, then they are stupid," Ratchet spoke. "Or blind. You are a smart, fast thinker, who just has a knack for solving problems. I am envious of your work with virus's and treatments."

"Well, we can't all be as good as me, Ratch." Pharma said grinning. "What else am I great at?"

"Distracting me from my report," Ratchet said.

"That's not due til at least,what, seven more orns?" Pharma questioned.

"So?" Ratchet retorted. "Just making sure it's done and done right."

"Come on, you can take a break from that," Pharma said. "Can't you?"

Ratchet let out a sigh. "Why? What do you have planned, Pharma?"

"I'm hungry, and got that gift credits to the Idling Engine." Pharma said. "Wanna come with me?"

"Ahh, to your favorite pub, I see." Ratchet replied.

"Doesn't mean you have to drink," Pharma shrugged. "You can be a stick in the mud if you want."

Ratchet gave him a stern look and swiveled around in his chair. "Just because I don't like getting overcharged to the point of puking my processor out, doesn't mean I am boring." He pressed a few buttons on the data pad, then shut it off. "But I won't pass up a free meal, especially on your expense."

Pharma smirked and crossed his arms. "I see. Well, I never said I was gonna let you use my free credits, now did I?" The blue jet only managed to hold face for a few seconds before a wide grin appeared on his face as he giggled. "Come on Ratch, let's go."

When the two returned from the night out, Ratchet had his arms around Pharma as he helped his overcharged room mate into the room. The blue mech babbled incoherently, clumsily flailing his arms around in his stupor. Ratchet laughed and did his best to place the bot gently in the berth, and tried to convince him to stay there. It was proving hard. Pharma wanted to stay awake, claiming he wasn't that overcharged. He sat up on his berth, swaying side to side as he tried to hold a conversation.

"SCHhlooo, vwheth ouuu ink ahhboyut dat phhem hha?" Pharma sat on the edge of his berth, optics unfocused and a huge grin on his face. He clearly was expecting a response.

"Yeah, Pharma." Ratchet replied, sitting himself at his room mate's desk adjacent from his drunk friend. Pharma's face looked confused.

"Dhat mahykes nooh scensh." Pharma replied and Ratchet held up his hands and shrugged.

Pharma babbled on with Ratchet not understanding a word of it as he dug around for a waste basket hoping his room mate would pass out soon. Pharma had consumed a ridiculous amount of high grade and when he got this drunk, he was always so silly. Luckily this didn't happen very often, but when it did, Pharma became very dramatic.

And silent. Which wasn't a good thing. Ratchet scrambled for the trash bin and spun around a few seconds too late. Pharma had already purged his tank all over himself. "Scrap!" Ratchet shouted as he thrust the bin on the jet's lap and pulled the sick mech forward. The red and white mech grimaced as Pharma threw up a few times into the trash can.

"You done?" Ratchet asked, and Pharma nodded with a pout on his face. The sober bot placed the bin next to the berth. "Lay back." Pharma did as he was told, whimpering when he discovered he hurled on himself. "Just stay here for me, OK?"

Ratchet retrieved a cloth and a wash pan from his medical kit, and filled it with warm solvent. Upon returning to the flier, Pharma's cheeks where red and wet. He had began to cry, and slurred out that he was sorry. Ratchet shushed him, and wiped at the other's mouth, then cleaned up his chest and cockpit. Pharma let him, incredibly thankful for his help, but embarrassed.

"There. All done." Ratchet said. Pharma muttered out a slurred thanks as he clutched at his belly and groaned. "Want me to empty your tank?" Pharma bit his lip, and nodded. "OK. Lay down." Ratchet said and gently guided the blue bot down to lay on his back.

As Pharma laid there, even in his in drunken state, he realized this was the first time he realized he had a crush on his friend.

... ... .... ...

Pharma groaned and turned his head to purge his tanks on the snow. This time, he was alone. Ratchet was not there to tend to his illness, nor anyone else. Tears welled in his optics as the broken mech dwelt on his past memories. Ratchet changed so much over the years. The tears spilled down his face as he closed his optics, hoping for his pain to lessen. It didn't. It never did.


	2. Chapter 2

Orn- 1 day  
Joor- hour  
Vorn- year  
Klik- minute  
Set's of periods... ... ... Are flashback sequences.

 

The world spun out of control. For a second, Pharma thought he was falling and he prepared himself for an impact that never came. Slowly, he opened his optic, and everything was normal. He blinked a few times in attempts to comprehend what was happening. Still stuck at the bottom of a crevasse, still lonely and suddenly missing his past lover. For once, a little hint of regret welled in Pharma which brought up memories of long ago.  
... ... ... ... ...

"Why are you doing this to me?" Pharma angrily shouted in is dorm room as he paced back and forth. "Why? Can't you answer me? Pharma continued on, deep in an angry shouting match in front of his desk. Several other shouts expelled from Pharma's mouth, when suddenly the door swished open.

Ratchet walked in with a curious look. He glanced around the room expecting to find someone in there. Empty. Just Pharma. "Are you OK?" Ratchet asked.

Now it was Pharma's turn to be confused. He glanced over his shoulder, as if he was expecting someone to be there too, and stared back at his room mate. He clenched his fists, then relaxed them, and looked to be scared out of his wits. Then he wiped the beads of sweat that forms on his face and shook his head.

"What's wrong?" Ratchet asked, clasping a hand on the blue jet's shoulder. "Where you comming someone?" Pharma didn't answer, just stood there trembling while muttering to himself. "Here, why don't you lie down?" Ratchet grabbed his friend's hand and led him to the berth.

Pharma sat down, and when Ratchet's hand gently pushed, he laid himself down on the bed. Covers where thrown over him and Ratchet told him to close his optics. The blue jet did, whimpering as he fidgeted on the berth. The next time he opened his optics, some time had passed. The only light came from Ratchet's desk lamp instead of the window. Pharma sat up and groaned as he rubbed at his aching helm.

"Feel any better?" Ratchet asked and he rolled his chair next to his room mate's berth.

"I guess so," Pharma said, flashing a small smile to the other. "Head aches."

Ratchet just nodded and retrieved some medication. He handed some pills to Pharma along with a glass of energon. Once the pills where swallowed, Ratchet grabbed at Pharma's data pad on the desk.

"What is this, Pharma?" Ratchet said, giving his friend a stern look.

"My..My report," Pharma said as he attempted to snatch it from the other bot's grasp. Upon it being pulled away, Pharma bit at his lip and looked at his pedes.

"I know you aren't working in the field of preventative care," Ratchet said. "Sounds more like what you did semester's prior." Pharma didn't even look at Ratchet. "What about the viral cycles you where all happy to be working with? Just a few Orns ago, you where so enthused to be able to study them for your assignment. Not this crap." Ratchet slammed the pad back down on the desk. "This isn't your assignment Pharma, is it?"

The blue jet sheepishly shook his head no.

"Whose is it then?" Ratchet questioned, but no answer was given. "Come on, Pal. Why are you doing someone elses work? I mean, this is a great report, wonderfully handled. But why are you doing this? Someone else is going to get credit for your hard work."

Pharma felt trapped. He was pressured into doing it by the bully. But what was worse was the look of disappointment on Ratchet's face. With a heavy sigh, Pharma finally spoke up. "It's not my assignment Ratchet." He shrugged. "But if I didn't write this paper for him...." His voice trailed off as he looked around anxiously.

"What would he do?" Ratchet firmly asked. "Did he threaten you?" Pharma nodded. "With what? To take your lunch money?" Pharma gave him a burning stare. "Just joking with ya, trying to get you to laugh." Ratchet placed his hand on the sad mech's back. "Look, what he is doing to you is wrong. If you talk to someone from the university, they can put a stop to this mess." Pharma only shrugged his shoulders. "Why didn't you just tell him no? You could have prevented all this spark ache and stress by just standing up for yourself."

"I didn't see any other outcome," Pharma meekly said.

"You could have told somebody," Ratchet said. "You could have come to me."

"Had I said anything, not only would I have been beaten, but same with whomever I told," Pharma retorted. "I wouldn't want you to get hurt with dealing with my mess."

"Pharma, come on," Ratchet said as he sat down next to the blue jet. "You can't let anyone push you around like this. Stand up for yourself."

"It's hard," Pharma mumbled under his breath.

"Look, tomorrow morning, we'll both go down to the Dean, OK?" Ratchet said. "I'll come with you, be right by your side as you explain what happened and who did this, alright? How does that sound?"

"Sure," Pharma said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Ratchet replied with a smile and gave the blue mech a hug. "You can talk to me anytime Pharma. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," Pharma replied. "I know. I just...well, I just didn't want to burden you with it, you know? I'm not worth it."

"Stop putting yourself down," Ratchet said. "Your worth it- you are my friend. I'd help you with anything because you're a great medic. And a great pal." Ratchet gave another warm smile. "Now, tell me about this virus you have been studying." Pharma's face lit up and he began to ramble on about the topic.

... ... ... ... ...

Without realizing it, Pharma was smiling. Amid the pain and nausea, the blue jet had a brief moment of joy. Ratchet was kind to him back then. And that next day, both went to the Dean and solved Pharma's problem. The bully never bothered him again- it was kind of a hard thing to do when one was expelled. Ratchet had been his hero. Of all the bots in his life- where his carriers let him down and other friends mocked him behind his back, the red and white medic not only stood with him, but genuinely cared.

Another smile graced his lips and a surge of warm fuzziness built up in his spark as he remembered their first kiss. He had been so happy and shocked that the feelings where actually returned. Despite the pian he was in, Pharma warmed up slightly as the memory played through his mind.

... ... ... ...

The pair had just made their way back to their room from a night out at the pod casts. They had been celebrating Pharma's creation day, and for once, it was Ratchet's idea to go out. Needless to say, Pharma had demanded if he was feeling alright since midterm's where only a few weeks away. Ratchet had laughed at the blue flier, claiming that he even needed breaks from studying. Plus, it was always fun to celebrate one's creation day, and Ratchet claimed Pharma needed it. Upon entering their dorm room, Ratchet told his friend he had a surprise for him. The blue jet grinned and excitedly waited, taking a seat on the berth.

"I got a gift for you," Ratchet said as he dug through his desk drawer.

"Ahhh! So that's why you got angry when I was looking for a med-light," Pharma laughed.

"It's extremely hard to keep things hidden from you, " The red and white mech stated and retrieved a hastily wrapped package. He walked over and sat next to Pharma and held out the gift. "Here you go. Happy creation day."

"You know you didn't have to get me anything," Pharma said as he snatched the gift and started ripping the paper off. "Wow." Pharma proclaimed as he held his own testing kit. "This is just what I was going to need for my study of viruses. Hey, how'd you know?"

Ratchet busted up laughing. "Are you kidding me? You have only been babbling on about how the university's kits are either broken or missing pieces."

Pharma tried to hid a grin. "Yeah, you're right. Was hoping my creator's were gonna send me one..." He frowned as he fidgeted with the items of the kit. "Thanks Ratchet. It was a thoughtful gift. You're too kind."

"You're welcome," Ratchet replied. "I know you'll put that to good use."

Pharma nodded and reached over the other to place the kit on his desk, then rested back on his berth. The two idly chatted for a long time, playfully teasing each other. The red and white student would occasionally brush his hand across the other and Pharma noticed Ratchet kept giving him warm smiles, yet looked nervous about something. In fact, the jet noticed this all night.

"What's up?" Pharma asked and Ratchet's cheeks turned a shade of pink as he tried to hide it from sight. "Come on, you can tell me, right?"

Ratchet let out a sigh. "I don't really know how to say this kind of thing."

"Just open your mouth and let the words come out," Pharma teased and laughed. "Primus! I never thought I'd see the day you where at a loss of words."

"It's hard," Ratchet sighed. "M-Maybe if I just show you?" Pharma nodded and sat back up. Ratchet sighed yet another time as he reached his hand to capture Pharma's face, and gently turned it to face him. "Don't hate me," Ratchet whispered, his cheeks bright crimson as he leaned in and pressed his lips to his friend's. The warm lips lingered for a moment as Ratchet gently sucked at the other's lips, and then he broke the kiss. The red and white mech nervously licked his lips as he looked into the shocked expression of Pharma's face.

 

A/n- sorry for cutting it right there! I guess this is gonna be more than 3 chapters since I still got a lot to go! But anyways, hope you enjoy and I appreciate reviews!! :D


	3. Chapter 3

(continued)

"I, ah..." Ratchet fumbled for words, looking very flustered and embarrassed. "Sorry."

"For what?" Pharma asked. "I feel the same way." He leaned in and gave Ratchet a kiss. It wasn't as graceful as the other's, Pharma was sloppy as he quickly stuck his tongue in to explore inside Ratchet's mouth. The jet let out a happy moan and pawed at the other's chest until a pair of red hands gently grabbed them. Pharma broke this kiss to look at the other with questioning optics.

... ... ... ... ...

For a second, Pharma swore he was getting kissed by Ratchet. He swore he felt the hot lips pressed against his, sucking and begging for more. As soon as the blue jet opened his optics, the warmth was replaced with bitter cold. No mech was atop of him, and no warm body pressed to his body. A few tears traveled down his cheeks, and Pharma closed his optics again, thinking upon better times.

... ... ... ... ...

"Touch me here," Ratchet said as he guided the hands down to his headlights and leaned back in to continue the kiss. Pharma's hands danced around the desired location, gently brushing his tips in random patterns until he circled around where the glass met the metal. Upon doing so, Ratchet grunted and flicked his ambulance lights. Pharma instantly chuckled, and repeated the action to watch the display again.

"Really like that?" Pharma asked.

"Yeah," Ratchet replied, lights flicking on again. "You have any spots?" Pharma shrugged his shoulders. "Hmm.... Let me try to find them." Ratchet gently guided the blue jet to lay down and immediately sent his hands exploring. He rubbed at the white chest, tracing the seems of the armor til they met blue and led down to his cockpit. "I heard something..." Ratchet stated. "And I want to find out if its true." Fingers traced the yellow glace of the cockpit, soon to be replaced with his tongue. Pharma took a sharp breath and purred, but not really the reaction he was looking for.

"Hmmm," Ratchet said. "Not all fliers then." He let out a smirk, and licked his lips. "I have another idea." His hands made his way to the jet's wings and began to rub and caress. Ratchet started with tracing the edges, making his way to the wingtips. Pinching the tips, Ratchet hoped for the reaction he wanted. It didn't happen. "Primus, Pharma, don't you feel a thing?"

"It feels good!" Pharma replied, fearing he was upsetting his lover. Ratchet brushed his finger tips back towards the jet's body, unintentionally brushing the wing's hinges. This caused Pharma to shiver and start to keen.

"There you go," Ratchet smiled and teased at the hinges enjoying watching the jet squirm and moan. "Feel good?" Ratchet asked, and Pharma nodded. Ratchet straddled the other and and leaned down to peck a kiss on the lips, then traveled down to the neck, all while playing with his wing hinges still. Pharma loved the pleasure he was getting, his eyes where half lidded as his cooling fans kicked on. 

Soon the jet's hands where groping an aft and his hips grinding Ratchet's. Fingers wedged between plating seams, teasing at wires as both of the bots pressed their bodies together. The sound of Pharma's panel snapping open and his spike pressurizing broke their kiss, and the jet's cheeks turned red.

"I'm sorry," Pharma muttered and Ratchet rolled his optics questioning the apology. "First cock out is like arriving first at a party- no one wants to be that bot." 

"Really?" Ratchet laughed as he lifted himself up. "Where did you hear that ridiculous saying from?" The blue mech just shrugged. "It's alright." Ratchet scooted himself down. "Want me to make you feel real good?"

As soon as Pharma nodded yes, his spike was licked. Starting at the tip, Ratchet teased his way down to the base, and made his way back up, making sure to place tender kisses along the shaft as he went. Pharma gasped when his spike was engulfed in the warm mouth and lustily watched it disappear. A tingling sensation was felt as the tongue flicked and traced imaginary patterns along the spike. When Ratchet raised to the top, he sucked hard on the head before letting the spike slip out of his mouth, causing it's owner to whine.

Once again, Ratchet laughed and shook his head. He went back to sucking the spike but placed a hand on the other's thigh, gently messaging as it made its way up to the valve. Once there, the hand was held flat as it gently rubbed over the port. After a few times, a finger traced along the outside folds in a slow, circular pattern. 

Pharma moaned as a little bit of lubricant seeped from his valve. "Hmmm... Ahh That... Feels soooo good!" He said encouragingly. The mouth left his spike, and Ratchet moved himself down further. Soon, the tongue was back to work sucking at the port's rim and licking at the fluids. A digit pressed gently at the entrance, slowly inching inside a little, swirled around, and withdrew-all while the tongue lapped outside. It got to the point that Pharma was rocking his hips and begged for more.

Ratchet pressed his finger in deeper and began to gently twirl it around. More liquid built up and spilled out when a second finger was added. Pharma enjoyed the sensations this brough him as Ratchet's finger's scissored and rubbed against the sensitive nodes. A third finger worked itself in, and the blue jet squirmed in pleasure.

"Want me to take you?" Ratchet huskily asked and Pharma nodded. The finger's were removed and the red and white mech positioned himself over the jet. He placed his spike to the valve and slowly pushed the tip in. Pharma bit his lip as more was pressed in, and let out a sharp cry when a certain point was reached. Ratchet couldn't push in any further; something seemed to be blocking the way.

Ratchet let out a little smile and cocked his head to the side. "Is this your first time?"

"I've interfaced before," Pharma retorted, holding his optics wide.

"In the valve, Pharma." Ratchet watched as his partner's cheeks turned a darker shade of red. "Has anyone 'faced with you like this before?"

"No," Pharma mumbled. "Don't stop though, Please? This feels so good."

Ratchet gave a warm smile as he leaned down to kiss at the red cheeks. "I was never someone's first before," Ratchet whispered. "I have to break your seal, sweet-spark."

The jet's eyes grew wide. "Will that hurt?" Pharma questioned.

"Maybe," Ratchet answered. "But it will turn to feeling good. I'll be careful." Ratchet slowly pressed himself deeper in the valve. Pharma crinkled up his face and closed his optics as pressure was applied to the valve's seal. "It will be over quickly." With a thrust, Ratchet forced his spike deeper inside as the blue jet cried out and squirmed as the seal broke. Once again, the warmness of Ratchet's lips where felt on the blue jets, giving him another passionate kiss.

With a slow pace, Ratchet began to move again. He took his time to give his partner time to adjust. The thrusts where shallow, but once Pharma's face softened, the pace quickened. The jet moaned as the spike rubbed all the nodes, and eventually his hips rocked into the motion. Another set of cooling fans clicked on, and Pharma smiled as Ratchet leaned forward to gently nip at his neck.

Pharma lifted his legs and wrapped them around the other bot's hips. He would pull those hips in demanding to be penetrated deeper. He cried out as his backmost node was touched, and his valve began to clench up.

"Scrap," Pharma muttered as he clenched his optics shut. "Ahh! I'm s-sorry!"

"It's alright," Ratchet huffed and smiled. "Loose yourself." 

The pumping grew fast as the valve clenched a few more times then spasmed. Pharma cried out as he released his fluids, his spike shooting his lover in the chest as his valve seeped down his own aft. So his surprise, Ratchet wasn't so far behind. He gave a few more thrusts and grunted out his orgasm, his trans-fluid shooting inside the spent valve and the excess spilled out. Pharma barely remembered seeing Ratchet pull himself out, but the room turned to darkness. The next time Pharma opened his optics, he felt a cozy blanket over his frame and saw Ratchet sleeping beside him with arms wrapped tightly around him.

... ... ... ... ...

Pharma's body heated up and melted the thin layer of snow around him. It had been a great memory but awakening in the state he currently was in, just made the loneliness worse. He let out a sigh as he attempted to move. Digging his elbows in the snow, Pharma first lifted himself up, then tried to pull himself back. He moved an inch, then his elbows slipped and he fell back down. Attempting it again gave the same results. The blue jet groaned in defeat, feeling very lost and utterly alone.

Like how he felt once Ratchet graduated. Pharma reflected back on how proud he was to see his lover finish school and be seated up top as the summa cum laude. His speech was very well prepared-Pharma had helped him with it. It was simply a joy to be sitting in the crowd watching his lover accomplish his goal to become a medic.

It was bitter sweet. Of course he was happy to see his lover move on with his life, but it meant Ratchet would no longer be at the university with him. No longer would they be up late together, each working on a project. No more going to the school's cafeteria together before their classes. The most missed one of them all was no more spending every night together in a berth, nor waking up on each other's arms. Pharma almost let out a sob at that memory, and layed his head back in the cold snow thinking of the things he lost.


	4. Chapter 4

A cloth passed over his chest as Pharma finished polishing his frame. With a smile on his face, he admired the reflection in the mirror. He looked good. His frame was nice and shiny and the ceremonial robes drapped across his shoulders just perfectly. It was finally his day to graduate after several years of studying. Pharma was ready to move onto the next stage of his life and he couldn't wait. The door to his dorm room opened, and the jet spun around around with a smile.

"Just me," his roommate said. "Forgot my data pads."

"Oh," Pharma replied with a frown.

"Expecting someone?"

"Yeah," Pharma said. "He's probably running late."

"Yeah," his roommate said as he gathered the data pads and tucked them in his subspace. "Congrats and good luck man."

"Thanks," Pharma said as he looked at his reflection once again. His roommate waved a goodbye and exited the room. Pharma frowned and looked at the time.

"Ratch, where are you?" He said to himself as he checked the dorm's comm line for any missed messages. "You promised you'd be here."

He tried to comm Ratchet's personal line but it was shut off. It was common thing when a medic was busy. "Probably nerver turned it back on." Pharma spoke as he picked up the receiver on the room's comm system and dialed Ratchet's number. He waited as the tone beeped. No answer. Just the away message ran. With a sigh, he left a message. "Hey Ratchet. Just wondering where you are.... Bet you are on your way here. Umm... Tried your comm line... I just can't wait to see you. Well, if you don't meet me in my dorm then I'll see you at the graduation. I got you a good seat.... OK, well, Bye."

He looked around his dorm room and was flooded with the past memories of his lover. A smile formed on his lips as he thought of how they slept together in his berth. Or how Ratchet would be at the desk studying and how he would whine when Pharma bugged him. Those sure were the days. Glancing at the clock, he discovered the ceremony was going to be starting soon.

"Scrap." Pharma exclaimed as he did one last check in the mirror, then left the room. He briskly walked down the hallways and out the door, keeping his optics peeled for his lover along the way. He ran into other students and their families as he walked towards the center of Iacon's academy to the ceremony. As he was being pulled aside by a professor, he did one final glance around the gathering crowd. No Ratchet. 'You'll see him in the audience' Pharma told himself as the final preparations where made.

With a heavy sigh, Pharma led the graduating class down the aisle. Flashes of cameras went off like fireworks as the music played. He saw his family, his one carrier making a fuss over his younger brother and his other sibling stuck his tongue out. As he made his way to the front, he stole a glance to where Ratchet's seat was. Empty. His spark sank in his chest. Ratchet didn't come. 

His processor was flooded with questions. Why would his lover blow off his graduation? Ratchet had promised he would attend! It was his special day, and he wanted to share it with the bot who meant the world to him. The ceremony dragged on, the excitement left completely now that his lover didn't attend.

Afterwards, Pharma briefly spoke with his family, delt with the condescending words of how he must find a job though would probably fail at that. A few pictures where snapped, and Pharma took off the first chance he could get. He made his way back to his dorm room, still hoping in the back of his mind that perhaps Ratchet would be there. 

He opened the door and the room was empty. His spark sank as tears welled in his optics. He tossed his robes onto his berth and opened up the fridge for a can of high grade. Cracking off the lid, he downed half the first can before he noticed the flashing red light on the comm line. Reaching over, he pressed the button and listened to the message.

"Hey Pharma!" Ratchet's voice rang. "I am very sorry.... I.. I ah, know I promised to be there, but an emergency came up at the clinic. I tried to still come, but... They simply needed me there.... I couldn't get away... Still can't but I had a few klicks to be able to call you. I'm sorry.... I know you'll be mad, I just hope you can forgive me. I am very sorry I couldn't be there." A moment of silenced passed, and Ratchet sounded genuinely upset. "Congratulations... And I love you."

... .... .... ...

How could Ratchet blow off his graduation? To this day, it still frustrated him. Even thought he forgave his partner, it still hurt and he felt let down. His ceremony was his last carefree event before life in the real world kicked in and he spent it alone.

Pharma sneered as he attempted to roll over in the snow as he recalled how hard it was to find a job whereas Ratchet found one right away. 'He just got lucky, that's all.' Pharma told himself. Anyone can be a medic specializing in emergency care, but it took true genius to focus in virology- even if his first job didn't focus on that- it was a start!

The jet scrunched up his face as he though of his career at the relinquishment clinic. Primus he hated that job and the bot's he supervised. However, all he remembered where bits and pieces during the months that he worked there, like they where just tidbits from a dream.

The first he remembered was the first few Orns of work. He had been so excited to finally start working and be able to make a living for himself. Going back to his creators was a humiliation he did not want to encounter. He worked hard and performed his tasks well. It didn't take him long to get a promotion and a whole new load of responsibilities. As long as his nurses and aides did as they where told, things went well.

'Hmmmm...." Pharma mumbled to himself as he gave up trying to move and looked back up to the blue sky. 'Odd...'

His memories where fuzzy. The next image that came to his mind was when he was wondering the corridors at the clinic. He was looking for the clinic manager, and he swore he saw the orange bot walk down the back hallway. Sure, he was told there was no reason to enter here...

...Wait. That wasn't it. 

The blue jet scrunched up his face. 'What happened next?' The scene replayed through his processor over and over again, but the next thing he remembers is waking up in his own office. 'That's not right.' Pharma murmured as he shook his head. His helm began to ache and spin as he tried to remember what happened, which just ended in him being more confused then when he first started. His optics closed as he tried to fight off the nausea that had struck suddenly. He laid there silently, trying to relax his tense and hurting frame.

_Pharma knocked on the door that was in front of him. No answer. He needed to speak with the manager quickly over a patient's health. He noticed the door wasn't closed all the way, so he pushed it in._

_"Hello?" Pharma called out as he peaked his head in. "Trepan? Are you in here?" No answer and the room was empty. The jet turned to leave, but noticed a secret doorway. "What the frag?" Pharma spoke as he walked across the office and over to the passageway. "Trepan? Are you down there?" No answer once again. He turned to leave but a sound made him stop dead in his tracks. It sounded like a scream. He turned around and peered into the dimly lit hallway once again. "Anyone down there?" Pharma asked. For the third time there was no answer. "My mind must be playing tricks on me." Just as the blue doctor was about to turn around again, he heard the noise again and there was no mistaking the scream again. "Trepan? Are you OK?" Pharma shouted. He knew it was against better judgment to go into the hall- it was bad enough he entered the office in the first place. But what if Trepan was hurt? What if the red and gray mech needed help and Pharma was the only one who knew about it? He couldn't just do nothing. He had to see if anyone was hurt. "Hold on. I'm coming!" With a sigh, Pharma started down the hallway, walking as fast as he could. The corridor snaked it's way back and forth and seemed to be endless! Eventually, he came to a split and had to choose to either go left or right. "Scrap!" He cursed under his breath. "Which way..." Another scream was audible and most definitely came from the left. He took off in a run and followed the hallway around the turn and BAM! The next thing Pharma realized was he was on his back his whole body twitching in pain. He screamed as his vision blurred, but he managed to make out vague shapes of two mech's towering over him. One looked a lot like Trepan. His vision went black, although he swore he heard someone speak. 'What a shame. He would have been a great doctor.' Bright lights. That was what woke him up. Pharma groggily reset his optics to try to get his vison straight. Didn't work, his vision was still hazy. He coughed a few times as he tried to sit up. He coudn't move! He tried to move his head to the side to see what was going on, but it was held tightly in place. His arms and legs where restrained also. The jet tried to speak, but his voice was just static. There was nothing he could do but lay there in his panic as blackness consumed him once again. A voice called out to him. 'He doesn't like you. He never liked you. He played you as a fool, and you fell for it. He think's he's so much better than you. But he's wrong!' The next thing the jet heard was the buzzing of drills. His optics shot wide open and to his horror, a drill was right above his head. Still unable to move, Pharma had no choice but to watch as the drill came closer and closer to his helm. He screamed as fear rippled though his body at what he saw. However, he started to shriek as the drill buried itself deep inside his helm._

__

__With a jolt, Pharma screamed himself awake. He expected to see the drill when his optics opened and he swore he felt the vibrations inside his helm. Instead, he was greeted with solitude with the only noise to be heard was himself screaming, which tapered off once he realized it was just the nightmare. The same exact nightmare he has been having since his first job. The jet panted to catch his breath as he lay shaking in fear. in the snow._ _


	5. Chapter 5

... ... ... ...

The dark streets were riddled with trash and completely filthy, nothing like Iacon. Of all places, why Ratchet would choose Rodion's Dead End was beyond belief. According to his directions, he was almost to the clinic, which was a good thing. Pharma was sick and tired of wondering the streets with the addicts asking for spare credits or even worse, offering their lewd services in order to afford their next fix. Primus, this was simply disgusting!

He turned left at the corner of the street and almost ran into a mech so high on circuit boosters he was barely able to move. The white mech sat there staring into space. The needle, now empty of its contents, lay discarded on the ground by his side. Pharma scrunched his face in disgust as he walked around the mech and made his was to down the block. Once he came to a brightly lit shop, he sighed in relief as he opened the door to Ratchet's clinic.

When he entered, he was welcomed by bright lights and a strong smell of disinfectant, smells he was all too familiar with. Gazing around the room, the blue jet saw a few medical berths, countless supplies locked up in cabinets, paperwork that needed to be filed, and a medic working at sterilizing tools. 

"Give me a klik and I'll be right with you." The mech said. "Sit down on a berth and I'll be right with you."

"Yes Doc," Pharma said. "Though, I think I waited long enough."

Ratchet recognized the voice and spun around. "Pharma!" the red and white mech beamed happily as he tossed the tools into the cleanser and made his way across the room. "Glad you made it here safe." He embraced his lover in a warm, tight embrace.

"Yeah, me too," The jet chuckled. "Just barely! All those freaks wondering the streets..."

"Oh Pharma," Ratchet said shaking his head. "They are just mech's down on their luck. This place is full of them."

"It's repulsive." Pharma spat. "How they can do this to themselves is beyond me."

"Compassion? Ever hear of that?" Ratchet joked. "They usually are in that sorry state though. No matter how much help I provide, or how many times I fix them up, they just turn around and boost again."

"Why do you do it?" Pharma questioned.

"I want to help them." Ratchet said. "It's the least I could do, you know."  
"But they keep on using the drugs, Ratch. Don't you feel like you're waisting your time? And supplies?"

"I provide them with what comfort I can," Ratchet said and shrugged his shoulders. "Besides, if I wasn't here, most of them wouldn't receive any kind of medical treatment."

"So?" Pharma blurted out. "Who really cares about them?"

"I do." Ratchet said as he made his way back to the tools and resumed cleaning them. Pharma wondered over and offered to dry them off. 

"So you gave up your job for this?" Pharma asked as he pulled the forceps from Ratchet's grasp.

"No, I still work at the medical facility." Ratchet said. "I do this in my spare time."

"Sounds like you need a hobby," Pharma teased and laughed, then quickly looked over his shoulder as if someone said something.

"I have one," the red and white mech said. "Helping bots with my awesome medical abilities."

Pharma snapped his head back quickly and scowled. "So what? Does that mean I am a horrible mech, or rather a horrible medic- because I don't want to spend my free time waisting my time AND supplies on a bunch of low life druggies?" Pharma shouted.

Ratchet's eyes grew wide. He was only making a stupid joke, and somehow Pharma took it as being put down. "Woah, calm down! I never said that."

"You sure as slag implied it!" Pharma yelled. "What, you so much a better medic than me that you have to rub it in my face?"

"W-What?" Ratchet said in shock. "What would make you think that?"

The jet gave a smirk. "Oh, come look at what I did," Pharma mocked. "I know you can't even get a job in your desired field of study, but I'm doing sooooo well I can open a clinic and not even get paid for it. Not to mention that you excel so well at your full-time gig that you are being promoted to Chief Medical Officer."

Ratchet grabbed for a towel and dried his hands before he reached for Pharma's. "Look, I don't know how I upset you. I didn't bring you here to rub anything in your face, Pharma! I-Well, I thought you'd be happy for me, you know?" Pharma sneered his face. "Look, Pharma. I wanted to see you for a few reason's. Mainly because I miss you. Thought we could at least enjoy each other's company here. If anyone comes in, I figured I could use your help. Just like how we helped each other out back at the University. You know? Like old times." 

Pharma's face remained tense as he thought about what his lover said. Ratchet had commed him and said there was something he wanted to ask him. Reflecting back to the days in college, Ratchet always wanted to open his own clinic and tend to the unfortunate mechs. All the red and white doctor wanted to do was share his joy with the other. Pharma sighed, looking rather sad and unhappy. He pouted as he ran his free hand over his helm. "I'm sorry." Once again he looked over his shoulder and looked rather confused.

"It's OK." Rachet said softly as he watched Pharma. He looked stiff and a bit freaked out. "What's wrong?" Ratchet led his lover over to a beaten up couch. "Talk to me, OK?" He wrapped his arms around the jet and kissed his forehead. "What's bothering you?"

"I dunno," The blue jet mumbled as his head sank in his hands. "Everything has been going fine up to a few weeks ago. Then everything just... Gets confusing..."

"With what?"

"Work," Pharma replied. "I don't know how to describe it. I must have fallen asleep at my desk, but I don't remember even sitting down. Ever since, I just get this weird feeling... Like I am being kept from doing things I used to do. Feels like bots keep looking over their shoulder at me. I... I just don't know what's wrong."

"Many people call it paranoia," Ratchet joked and pulled the other in for a hug. "But no, seriously. You mentioned you haven't been able to recharge very well for a while. I am sure your mind is just playing tricks on you."

"Maybe." Pharma replied and shrugged. "I just don't feel as important at the clinic like I once was."

"Nonsense." Ratchet said. "But anyways, the other reason why I asked you here is because I wanted to know if you wanted to accompany me at the Promotional Ceremony."

"Why would you want to take me after I spazzed out on you?" Pharma asked.

"Because I love you," Ratchet said. "And you are important to me. I would be honored to have you at my side."

"Wow, really?"

"Yes, really," Ratchet said as he pulled the blue flier in for a kiss. "I want you with me. Always." Ratchet gave a warm smile, and Pharma felt really lucky right then.

... ... ... ... ... ... 

Luck. What a fickle thing. Always seeming to be there for one, and completely absent for another. Luck was clearly not on his side. Never was. Never will be. Just look at him now. Laying in the snow, slowly bleeding out and no one around to save him. 

"What luck," Pharma muttered to himself. "You always got it. You always got my share...stole it from me..." His optics closed as he lost focus on reality and instead drifted into past memories of his misfortune.

... ... ... ... ... ...

Flying in low, Pharma transformed and landed in front of Iacon's hospital. Primus he wished he worked there! Their virology department was simply the best. However, his resume was declined, claiming no positions where available. The jet tried to keep his grumbling to a minimum as he walked over to where Ratchet stood.

"You're looking good," Pharma said as he greeted his lover with a hug. "So nice and shiny."

"Yeah, don't do this enough." Ratchet replied. "I am glad you came Pharma." He wrapped his arm around the jet's. "Let's go inside."

The pair made their way inside the building and Ratchet led the way through the gathering crowd. Ratchet entered into the back room and went to some data pads that were scattered about the desk. He flicked one on and let out a sigh.

"I have to give a speech," Ratchet said and smiled as he looked at Pharma. "I'm a little nervous."

Pharma laughed. "You'll be fine. You always do good."

"Yeah, well. Tell that to my nerves." The older medic said. "We got about twenty minutes, and I don't think it will be enough for me to feel ready."

"And let me guess. You spent all yesterday practicing." Pharma said as he grabbed the data pad from his lover and tossed it on the desk. He held Ratchet from behind as he wrapped his arms around the mech. "I know what'll calm your nerves." Pharma whispered as he hands began to wonder.

"Come on," Ratchet whispered. "Really?"

"Just you. Me. The desk. I'll make you stop worrying about some silly speech." Just as Ratchet was about to protest, the door swung open again. Pharma released his grip as a green and white mech came in.

"Ratchet. Good, you're here. We need to go over a few things." The mech said. "Oh, hello, didn't see you there. You must be Pharma. It's nice to meet you." His hand extended in friendly gesture and Pharma shook it. "My name's Swivel. I've heard so many things about you from Ratchet."

"I can assure you, not all of them are true." Pharma joked.

"I am sure," Swivel said with a smile. "Anyways, you must be so proud. It's not everyday such a talented bot receives this promotion. Especially so quick!"

Pharma nodded. "Oh I am indeed quite proud. I taught him everything he knows." Playfully, the jet gives Ratchet's shoulder a punch. "He know's his stuff. You couldn't have chosen a better mech."

"Indeed." Swivel agreed. "So, Pharma. What facility do you work at? Must be a great place. Ratchet told me of how good you where at the University."

"I'm a supervisor at the Relinquishment Clinic up in northern Iacon. Near Translucentica Heights." Pharma proudly said. "There's an opening for a lead doctor, and I am sure I'll get the position."

"Oh," Swivel said rather disappointingly. He scrunched his face up a little as the words where spoken as well. "Well, I hope you the best with that." Swivel suddenly sounded like Pharma's job was like some kind of plague, and he would get sick even just talking about it. Swivel placed a hand on Ratchet. "It's almost time. We need to go."

"Wait," Pharma said a bit sharper than intended. "Why-"

Ratchet interrupted Pharma mid speech and gave him a hug. "Look, I know you are a respectable doctor. It's just... Well, most mechs here simply don't like the Relinquishment Clinic's. Just think the whole body-swapping speil is... Well, not right."

"So what's that mean about-"

"Please," Ratchet whispered. "Can you just let it go for right now? I am sorry, I know it upset you, but I don't want to argue about it now."

Pharma licked his lips, and finally ended up smiling. "You got a big speech to give, Doc." Pharma quickly kissed him. "Break a leg." The jet laughed at the face Ratchet made and waved farewell.

"Oh, wait a sec." Ratchet said. "Your seat is in the center table, OK?"

Pharma nodded and watched his lover leave. The frustration dwelt in his processor as he wondered out of the room and into the ceremonial hall. Primus, he hated how whatever respect Swivel had for him just melted away and went down the drain because of where he worked. 'How does that make me any less of a doctor?' Pharma questioned himself. 

Even though he assisted in swapping sparks from one bot to a donor's body, he was still a good doctor. He made sure vital signs where good and if any accident happened, he was there to fix it. Not that Pharma ever made a mistake, but if a nurse messed up, the jet was a capable medic- no, he was a damn good medic- and was able to make sure the patient was alright.

He took a seat next to a strange mech as he brooded over what was said as he waited for the ceremony to begin.

 

To Be Continued....

 

A/n- well, sorry for the delays on this as well as my Trine story. Working on artwork and just been busy. This chap wasn't initially going to be split in two, but it will be too long if I didn't. Hope you enjoy and I appreciate feedback!!


	6. Chapter 6

 

Idle chatter filled the hall.  Every bot just seemed extremely happy and Pharma wished for a second he was one of them.  How come it seemed that anyone other then him had the perfect life?  The blue jet frowned.  You know what?  That wasn't true.  Pharma had a great life-minus the strange reoccurring nightmare and weird situation at work.  He couldn't help it if other bot's looked down on him.  They were probably jealous.  Yeah, that had to be it.  A cheeky grin appeared on his face at that thought.  It wasn't until the green and white mech that he met prior spoke to the crowd did Pharma snap out of his daydream.  

"Good evening!"  Swivel spoke from the podium at center stage. "We welcome you to Iacon's most prestigious hospital for, as you all probably know already, a very special event.  It's not everyday a mech rises through the ranks so quickly..."

Pharma's stomach churned as Swivel droned on about how awesome Ratchet was.  It wasn't because Ratchet wasn't great at his job, there was just only so much Pharma could take- when it wasn't being said about him.  The bot next to him annoyingly spoke his agreement out loud to himself, and it was driving the jet insane, but he just sat there listening to the speech wearing his usual grump face.

That is until Swivel announced Ratchet and Pharma noticed the saddened look on the other medic's face, who was now staring right at him.  This was supposed to be Ratchet's special day.  Ratchet was supposed to be happy.  And Pharma was supposed to be happy for him.  A twinge of guilt filled the jet and he reset his optics.  Once his blue eyes flashed back on, Pharma gave his lover a warm smile and a quick wave.  Ratchet returned a little smile, then walked to the center of the stage.

What little signs of him being nervous disappeared once Ratchet started speaking.  He captivated the audience by speaking of his goals and accomplishments of being in the medical field.  He spoke kindly of his co-workers and thanked them for their contributions- he wouldn't have got the promotion if it weren't for them.  Ratchet continued on talking about his future plans and what this means for the hospital and himself to be bestowed with the chief medical officer position.

"But most of all," Ratchet said.  "I wish to thank a special someone for standing by me throughout it all.  He gives me motivation, inspiration, and always keeps me going."  Ratchet's cheeks flushed slightly.  "He know's who he is.  Thank you."  Ratchet looked into Pharma's optics and gave a smile.  He nodded to the cheering audience and stepped back as Swivel took the podium again, who droned on for a little bit before announcing the refreshments were available in the back of the hall.

Pharma stood up and walked to the back of the room.  He poured himself a glass of energon and grabbed a treat.  He idly though to himself as he stood in one corner away from everyone else.  _'Look at everyone who showed up to see Ratchet's promotion.'_  Pharma quickly looked over his shoulder.  _'Everyone was here to cheer him on.'_   His head snapped back to the front to look for the owner of the voice.  _'And not one of them know you exist.  You are nothing in their eyes!  Nothing but a pathetic excuse for a doctor!'_  No one was speaking.  No one appeared to be talking or to hear what was just said.

"Primus."  Pharma grimaced and shook his head as if that would shake the thoughts from his helm.  Why did he think that?  He pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt a sharp ache in his processor. Apparently, he was going to feel like scrap tonight.  Of all the times, this had to flare up at his lover's ceremony.

"Hey Parma."  A voice called out to him.  "Are you feeling alright?"

Snapping his optics open, Pharma saw Ratchet standing before him and despite his pain smiled.  "Just been a long day."   The pair embraced in a hug.  

"So how bad did my speech sound?" Ratchet asked.

"Just like I said it would be.  You did great."  Pharma replied and chuckled when Ratchet blushed.  

"Come with me." Ratchet grabbed the jet's hand and led him across the room.  "I want you to meet some of my co-workers.  They always ask about you."

 _'Yeah, always ask about you so they know how bad you're doing.'_   The voice in Pharma's helm said.  He let out a sigh and just allowed his lover to cart him around to his friends.  The bots smiled and shook his hand, but the ugly voice in the back of Pharma's helm would always voice its opinion.  _'How gullible you are Pharma'_   He winced.  _'Do you know the real reason why Ratchet brought you here?'_   The ache in his helm intensified.  _'He only brought you here to throw it in your face that he got this promotion while you are stuck at your pathetic, low class job!'_

Pharma groaned, shook his head and reset his optics.  When his vision returned, he was greeted with Ratchet, as well as his co-workers, staring at him.  Ratchet looked very concerned, but Pharma nervously licked his lips.  When questioned if he was alright a second time, Pharma replied no and excused himself, claiming to need to step outside for some fresh air.

The evening was a little chilly, but that just felt more refreshing to the jet.  He gazed up at the sky, feeling like a flight, but ended up just sitting on the steps and dropping his helm into his hands.  Why was he feeling so bad?  And worst of all, why was he thinking so bad of Ratchet?  He knew deep down all Ratchet wanted was the best for him, but that voice always reared itself up at the worst times.

"Pharma."  Ratchet called as he walked towards the other.  He sat down next to the jet and wrapped an arm around his back.  "What's going on?  You seem... Very troubled."

Troubled.  Yeah, he was troubled.  But how does one go about telling your lover that there were voices in his head telling him bad things?  Pharma resorted to sighing and looked over to Ratchet. "I don't know.  I've got the biggest ache in my helm.  I just feel....well, sick. Kinda didn't feel right all day, my work is getting frustrating, but I didn't want to stay home."  Pharma looked apologetically to his lover.  "Perhaps I should have though.  I feel as if I am just ruining your day." His vision blurred slightly, and he blinked a few times in response.   _'See?  He is happy you are suffering...'_   Pharma clenched his optics shut and covered his helm with his hands, as if hoping to shut the voice up.

"Here." Ratchet said and held out his hand.  "Take this."  Ratchet held out a chip that would ease the pain, but Pharma didn't move.  "You know this will make you feel better."  Ratchet grabbed a wrist and pulled gently at first, but once the said arm wasn't budging, he gave up, and simply wrapped his arms around the jet.

"I am not mad at you." Ratchet said.  "I mean, I am sorry you feel bad, but I am glad you came.  I am sorry it's at this cost Pharma.  But if you take this chip it'll help."  Pharma finally stretched out his arm and allowed Ratchet to open an entry port to insert the chip.  "Now, you know what will make you feel even better?"

 _'Oh look, now he has to give you medical advise because you are apparently such a lousy doctor in his mind.'_   Pharma groaned.

"Why don't you go back to my suit." Ratchet said and handed him the keycard.  The red and white mech had to literally force it between the jet's fingers.  "OK?  Lay down or take an oil bath- I find them very relaxing.  I'll be back shortly, I just need to say farewell to some mechs.  Alright?"  He took Pharma's hands in his own.

Pharma managed a weak smile.  "You don't have to call it a night on my behalf Ratch.  Stay as long as you want.  Don't let me bring you down."

"You're not." Ratchet stated firmly and placed a kiss on the other's helm.  "And you now how I am with idle chitchat.  I'd rather be with you.  Plus, I have some news for you."

"What?" Pharma aimlessly asked.  What good news can e have for him?

"Well, there is an opening for a lead doctor in Delphi."  Ratchet said.  "I think you would like the position and be perfect for it."

"Delphi?" Pharma questioned.  The name didn't sound familiar.  "Where is it at?"

"On Messatine." Ratchet answered.  "There is a nucleon missing industry there, and their main Doctor is leaving."

"So it's on another planet." Pharma said, more to himself.

"Yeah."  Ratchet spoke and placed a hand on his wing.  "That part sucks, I'll admit.  But I now you'll like the job."

Pharma took a moment to look into the optics of the mech he loved in silence.  Yes, the voice finally stopped, and he was able to see Ratchet for all he truly was: a dedicated, patient and caring partner that Pharma was lucky to have.  

"Now, are you going to make it back alright by yourself?" Ratchet questioned as he stood up and gave Pharma a hand.

"Yeah.  The chip is already kicking in."  Pharma answered.  "I'll just walk to your place, it's not far."

Ratchet gave one more kiss and wrapped his arms around the blue jet, who eagerly returned the hug.  "I'll see you in a little bit Pharma.  Thank you for coming.  I love you."

"I love you too Ratch." Pharma replied with his cheeks flushed and a huge smile.  He waved before he turned around and began walking towards Ratchet's suit.  The evening was troublesome, but right now, Pharma felt like he was the luckiest mech on all Cybertron.

... ... ...

Decided to break this into 2 chapters.  So here is the first one! R & R  :D


	7. Chapter 7

The warm oil bath was soothing and Pharma closed his optics as he sunk himself deeper in the tub. This really hit the spot! He relaxed and let the hot liquid wash all the stress away, that is, until that annoying voice reared it's ugly head ahead. The jet's optics bolted open as a look of dread washed over his face.

'What a fool you are.' The voice spoke up. Once again, Pharma looked around the room only to discover it's empty.

"Why?" He muttered, burring his face in his servos. "Why are you doing this to me?"

'The truth hurts, doesn't it?' The voice taunted. 'Look what he's done to you.'

"What did he do?" Pharma spat and clenched his fists. He didn't like how the voice spoke of his lover, or how it made him feel. Primus, just look how it made him react on Ratchet's special day. He ruined it!

'As well you should have.' The voice spoke up again. 'Why do you think he brough you, my dear silly mech.' Pharma let out an annoyed groan. 'He liked rubbing it in that he got a premotion. He likes that you hate your job. Most of all, he likes to boast, right in your face, that he is a better medic then you are, and will always be.'

"Shut up!" Pharma yelled and banged his fists into the tub.

'You know what you need to do." The voice rang again and caused Pharma to flinch as if he received a jolt of electricity. 'But I think we both know you are, quite simply, too chicken to do it.'

**

Ratchet palmed in the door codes and when the door swished open, walked in calling out for Pharma. Not to his surprise, his lover was standing in front of the mirror, ogling over himself as he polished up his frame. Ratchet just smiled to himself, remembering back to his college days. How much time did that mech spend looking over himself in the mirror? The red and white mech laughed for he knew the answer was entirely too long. He shook his head and stacked his pillows as to sit on his berth. 

"You know Pharma." Ratchet called out. "You don't have to polish yourself on my account."

No answer replied, just the sound of the jet humming an unfamiliar tune. Ratchet just shrugged and picked up a discarded data pad from his night stand, flicked it on, and began reading. Yes, he had a few days off to celebrate, but he didn't see anything wrong with reading up on some case files if he had the time.

"Always working, I see." Pharma said in a rather stern voice as he came out.

"Well, just waiting for you to tear yourself away from that mirror." Ratchet said with his eyes glued to the data pad. That is, until Pharma yanked it from his hands and tossed it on the floor. "Hey!" Ratchet shouted. "Be careful with that. It's important!"

"It can wait." Pharma spat as he pushed Ratchet down on the berth and climbed on top of him. "I got something more important to do anyways."

"Frisky I see." Ratchet cooed right before Pharma caught his mouth in a forceful kiss. The jet's tongue pried into the other's mouth and his body pressed forcefully to the white body. Once the kiss was broke, Ratchet gasped. "Woah, take it easy, will ya buddy?" It was only meant as a joke, but once again, Pharma's face scrunched up.

"What. I can't take it how I want it, for once?" Pharma growled. His interface panel snapped open and his already pressurized spike grinded into Ratchet's closed panel. "Open."

"Pharma!" Ratchet cried out. "Please, stop being so sensitive! I didn't mean-"

"Open up!" Pharma angrily shouted. "Or do I need to force you open?" His fingers traveled between the other's legs and the tips found the edge of the panel. He attempted to pry the panel open when suddenly opened on it's own. "There you go. That wasn't so hard, was it?" Pharma cooed harshly and frowned with how the exposed valve was dry. "Roll over."

"Huh?" Ratchet asked.

Pharma sneered and grabbed Ratchet's hips and pulled. "I said to roll over. Get on your stomach!" Without further question, Ratchet did as he was told. He laid face first on the berth, kinda confused and worried with what was happening- his lover was never this forceful. Pharma pushed the legs apart and brushed a finger over the valve and grumbled. 

'Look, he doesn't like you' The voice spoke up. 'I don't think he ever did!'

"Pharma." Ratchet called out.

"Shut up!" Pharma yelled as he scooted himself close to the other. Using a hand to guide his spike, he lined it up with his partner's disgustingly dry valve. He heard the other mutter out something begging him to stop, but he paid no attention to it. Instead, he tried to just shove his cock inside the other, but the dryness was uncomfortable, and so was Ratchet's cries.

"So fraggin' pathetic!" Pharma muttered as he spit into his hand and rubbed the saliva onto his spike. This'll have to do. The blue jet pressed his spike to the valve once again, and with one forceful thrust, seated himself fully inside.

Ratchet cried out. The intrusion on his unprepared valve was painful, but what hurt more was his lover not seeming to care. His gritted his teeth, closed his optics and just bared it. Tears rolled down his face as he wondered why Pharma would forcefully take him like this. Ratchet never denied him except for when the jet would come by his clinic wanting to get laid and he was busy. In fact, he was planning on making love to Pharma if he was feeling better.

"You like this?" Pharma grunted though clenched denta.

"Ph-Pharma! You're hurting me!" Ratchet replied trying his best to hold back his sobs. "Why are you doing this?"

"So, it's always about you, is it?" Pharma mocked. He bucked in jerky movements- he never found his pace quickly, and Ratchet did his best to deal with it, hoping that his valve would voluntarily produce some lubrication, however he was just so mind boggled by Pharma's actions, he doubted it would ever happen.

The jet placed his hands on Ratchet's back and rested his weight upon them, causing the bottom mech to be pushed down harder on the berth. That mixed with the deep, painful thrusts was proving to be unbearable. Ratchet groaned from pain and just silently begged his angry lover would be done soon. He felt horrible thinking that- under any other circumstance, he loved it when they fooled around, hands roaming over each other's bodies and both seeking to please each other felt really good. Ratchet whined at how different it felt this time.

Pharma pumped away, whispering mean and hurtful things to the other as he went. His cooling fans clicked on high speed as he bit painfully hard on Ratchet's neck cables. The flier's thrusting became even more erratic as he moaned a final time and unleashed his orgasm. Ratchet was thankful he was finished, but he received no pleasure from this- his still dry valve ached terribly. Pharma dropped down on top of him, panting and completely worn out. A sadness overcame Ratchet as the jet just laid there with his systems resetting. With a heavy sigh, Ratchet cried to himself as he waited for the other to wake up.

... ... ... ...

To this very day, a feeling of guilt rose in Pharma's conscience every time that night was remembered. True, after several apologies and a long in depth conversation, Ratchet had forgiven him- Pharma had claimed that he was just under so much stress and his jealousy simply got the best of him. But the shock of those actions stung, even after all this time. 

Pharma winced as he reset his optics and squirmed in the cold snow. He didn't tell Ratchet the truth that night. Yeah, stress could have been a factor, but it was those voices he was hearing- the voices that were telling him his lover really hated him and other bad things. The jet let out a sigh. Perhaps if he had told his past lover the truth, none of this would ever have happened. He wouldn't have gone to Delphi. He never would have done what he did here, and he sure as slag wouldn't be stuck in this snow. But it generally wasn't a good thing when some one said they heard voices in their head. He didn't want to be locked up on the loony farm.

No. Instead, several month later, he want to Delphi.

Primus, he cursed the day he took the job at Delphi. He didn't like that day, never have and never would.

... ... ... 

The day was clear and Pharma stood looking at the sky as the transport ship was loaded and fueled up. He kept taking worried glances to the main road into the landing strip and would expel a huff of air when no mech in vehicle form was seen. Ratchet promised he would be here! Pharma need him to be here. The two spent the night together- that is until an emergency had pulled his lover from his arms. Ratchet apologized profusely and promised he would be back well before take off.

So, here Pharma stood, as other passengers boarded, waiting for Ratchet to show up. He was so leary about taking the job- not because he didn't think he could do it, but rather, it was so hard to leave Ratchet. His lover meant the world to him, and now, instead of being cities apart, they would be worlds apart. He felt the sadness creep in, still not knowing if he could leave.

"Hey Pharma!" A voice called, distracting the jet from his thoughts. Pharma turned around and saw Ratchet transform into his root mode and immediately ran towards his lover. The pair embraced in a tight hug. "Pharma, I am so sorry-" Ratchet spoke but was cut off by Pharma deeply kissing him, and not to mention, rubbing his hands all over the red and white mech. "Pharma!" Ratchet chuckled. "Wow, what a greeting." He pried the jet's hands from his aft. "Look, I am sorry I'm late."

Pharma shushed the other and smiled. "You are here now. I get to see you before I leave. That's what matters."

"So, how you feeling?" Ratchet asked as he clasped the jet's hands in his own. His thumb gently brushed on Pharma's fingers in consolation.

The blue mech just shrugged. "Alright. I guess."

"Come on love, talk to me." Ratchet cooed.

"Well, that's the truth. I am happy I got the job and am going, but still don't like being that far from you." Pharma said.

"We'll talk and video comm often." Ratchet said with a smile, but caught onto his lover's thoughts and through his hands up as if defending himself. "I'll make the time, trust me. Well, more like we'll make time. You'll see how time consuming working at a hospital is." Ratchet shrugged. "We'll make time for each other. Don't worry."

"I'll miss you." Pharma said as his optics watered up.

"Come on Pharma." Ratchet cooed and wrapped his arms around the other. "I'll miss you to. But it's not the end of our relationship, alright? This job is a great opportunity for you, and I am glad you took it." Pharma smiled weakly and nodded. "We can visit each other. It's not going to be extremely often, but we'll make it work."

While still sad, Pharma's spirits brightened a little and he gave an ernest smile this time. "Yeah. It's just going to be hard. You know? To not see you. Or be able to touch you. Or frag ya."

Ratchet gave a carefree laugh. "Yeah. Well, last night should keep you satisfied for a bit." Pharma scrunched his face, giving a look. "Eh, maybe for the flight to Messatine.... OK, half the trip there." 

"Hmmmm.... Maybe." Pharma replied as a voice rang from the transport shuttle calling for all passengers to board for liftoff. It was time to leave. Attempting not to cry, Pharma bit his lip as he looked at his lover- who didn't look much better. Pharma pressed his helm to Ratchet's. "I guess this is it. Time to go."

Ratchet nodded. " I guess so. Time to prove to the world how great a medic you are." Of course Pharma smiled at that, and Ratchet thought he looked positively stunning. "Primus, I am gonna miss you." Ratchet spoke.

"I know, I'd miss me too." Pharma joked. He pulled the other's chin up to give a final passionate kiss on the lips. He never wanted it to end, but the second call for all passengers to board rang out.

"You better go, you don't want to miss your flight." Ratchet whispered, and walked hand in hand with Pharma to the shuttle. "Call me when you get there. I love you."

Pharma stared his lover in the eyes one last time, looking a bit forlorn as he nodded and gave a final smile. "I love you too. See ya later." 

The jet gave a final wave, Ratchet did the same, and Pharma boarded the shuttle, not realizing what was in store for him at Delphi, but then again, I don't think Ratchet- or anybody- knew what was going on there.

 

**A/n- ok- getting there! Up next, it's Pharma's time spent at delphi. Hope you all enjoyed!**


	8. Chapter 8

A/n- timeline doesn't follow the MTMTE comic, or really how the war progressed and all. I am simply making some changes to that- b/c obviously, the comics happen well after the war had begun, and I made it happen sooner. Oh well. ;)

... ... ... 

Pharma grimaced as he wiggled around in the snow at the memory of the first day he arrived at Delphi. Covering this entire planet was this wretched snow. It was cold. All the time. Even indoors the coldness crept in and Pharma felt as though he'd never be warm again. This place just chilled him to the core.

He remembered the transport shuttle landing, the landing was choppy and rough. When the doors opened up and he stepped outside, an over-happy bot greeted him. First Aid was his name, and he was his assistant. Taking some of the jet's belongings, Aid shown him a quick tour as they walked the corridors to Pharma's room. Thankfully it was a short walk. First Aid was proving to be too much a chatterbox. 

He liked his place. Finally, it was something worthwhile, even if it wasn't very huge. His berth was secluded in the back, a nice size desk sat in front of a huge medical pod case shelf full to data pads. The private wash rack looked inviting; a nice hot shower would definitely warm him up! Along his room's wall was a huge three bay window. 

A smile appeared on Pharma's face as he laid, broken, in the snow. He recalled the excitement of seeing that window in his room. Fliers loved to look at the sky, and he was glad that would not be denied to him here. As soon as he set down his belongings, Pharma remembered crossing the room to immediately draw open the blinds.

Primus, what a disappointment! Instead of nice blue skies, they were a dull, dreary grey. The snowstorm picked up, and that was all that was seen for miles. Snow. That crappy stuff fell from the sky and littered the ground for as far as he could see. With a grumble, the curtains were quickly closed.

That could pretty much sum up Delphi; dark, grim, and grey. The rest of the day was overcasted with such dismal feelings.

... ... ... ....

Almost a year after the previous head medical officer of Delphi left, Pharma had adjusted to every day Delphi life. The mornings went by quick. Get up. Scarf down your breakfast. Check in at med bay. On good days, First Aid would be waiting for him there. On bad days, the way too chipper bot would find him in the hallways.

Today was a bad day. As soon as his room's door opened, there was First Aid. For a split second, Pharma wanted to just shut the door hoping this was just a freak bad vision. Today First Aid looked different. He wasn't wearing a joyful expression-that was obvious that the mech was smiling audial to audial despite the face mask. Instead, a look of anxiety washed over his visor. The mech still managed to say good morning.

"I hate good mornings," Pharma grumbled as he proceeded down the hall toward the med bay not giving the other bot the time of day. 

"It's gonna be a busy morning!" First Aid said as he trotted behind Pharma.

"Let me guess," Pharma said in a flat tone. "Another cave in at the mines?"

"No. That just happened a few days ago, so give it another week or so." First Aid dryly replied. "This time it was an attack."

"Decepticons?"

"You got it," First Aid responded. "Count is at twenty-five."

"If there was an emergency, why did you not come get me?" Pharma barked as he picked up the pace.

"Um... Well, that was what I was doing." First Aid answered. "Ambulon and I got all the patients in and ready for you. I came for you as soon as I could get away. If you didn't block your coms-"

"How bad is it?" Pharma interrupted. He felt a twinge of guilt for locking his coms, but if he didn't Aid had a tendency to buzz him for stupid reasons. The door swished open and every medical berth was inhabited by energon soaked mechs. Most bots had shots through their frames, some had missing limbs, and a handful was in critical condition. Pharma cursed under his breath. Yeah, today was sure to be a busy morning indeed! Ambulon was already working on a mech in critical condition, and First Aid led him directly toward another bot whose whole front side was ripped open.

"Fetch me my tools," Pharma spat as he prepared himself for a full day of surgery. While having mechs here in dire condition was no surprise, this was the first he heard of an attack. "Decepticons," Pharma muttered under his breath. What vile beings. He hated them with all his spark. Their brutish ways were absolutely repulsive, and the fact that Ambulon once ran with that crowd made his plating crawl.

Hearing the squeaky tool cart bang into the side of the berth snapped the jet out of his repulsed thoughts. First Aid readied the tools by carefully taking them out of their sterile packaging and lining the tray with them. The scalpel was set out first, then the grasping pair of hemostats and so on.

"Give me the hemostats," Pharma barked. "Let's start with stopping some of the bleeding."

***

It was well after sunset when Pharma returned wearily back to his private room. He carried his dinner with him choosing to eat alone yet again. With a heavy sigh, he plopped his food on the desk, and followed suit. The jetformer closed his optics and rubbed his fingers over his aching temples. What a day this was! His stomach growled, and the medic set upon devouring his meal. Having not eaten all day, Pharma was starving!

As the jet unwrapped his supper, the red blinking light of his comm system caught his attention. "Oh Primus," Pharma whispered, fearing the call would be from First Aid. Nonetheless, he pressed the button as he took a bit of the meal.

"Hey Pharma," the voice recording of Ratchet spoke. "How are things? I am sorry it's been a while, but things are getting very busy here. I really want to talk with you, so when you get this, please comm me back, no matter what time it is, okay? Also, do a video chat so I can see your sexy face, all right? Chat with you later. Love ya."

Pharma immediately smiled as if nothing bad ever happened today. His beloved called him! It has been a while, and he was excited to talk with Ratchet. Wiping his hands, he grabbed for his pod terminal, turned it on, and dialed his lover's comm. The system rang once, twice, and kept ringing. Pharma whined to himself, hoping he didn't miss his chance to converse with Ratchet. After what seemed an eternity, the other end of the comm flicked on and shown a picture of a groggy medic rubbing at sleepy eyes.

"H-Hello?" Ratchet said without a focused glance.

"Hey Ratch!" Pharma beamed.

"Huh? Pharma..." Ratchet blinked a few times and focused on his comm pod. "Hey! Sorry, I must have dozed off. How are you doing?"

"Great!" Pharma responded. "How about you?"

"Fine. Just been a busy day," Ratchet responded. "Things are getting pretty bad here. A lot of violence has popped up, been keeping us medics pretty busy. It's crazy here. How are things at Delphi?"

"Heh," Pharma laughed. "Not much better."

"Really?"  
"Yeah. I just got done an eight-teen hour emergency shift myself," Pharma explained. "Decepticon attack. Disgusting fraggers made their way here as well."

"Wow," Ratchet responded. "Everything turn out all right?"

"Mostly," Pharma frowned. "We lost two patients. But we saved the rest." Pharma let out a sarcastic laugh. "I should say I saved the rest. Ambulon and First Aid.... Well, let's just say good help is hard to find."

"Don't say that."

"Why? It's the truth. Those gits don't know the difference bet-"

"You are too hard on them Pharma." Ratchet interrupted. "I heard good things about them."

"Well, you don't have to work with them, now do you?" Pharma said with a raised voice. "That Ambulon, he was a Decepticon you know, and-" 

"And what?" Ratchet said and immediately regretted it when he saw the scowl on Pharma's face. "Look-"

"Don't you act as if I have no right to feel this way Ratchet!" Pharma said with twitchy eyes. "Did you just want to call me to be condescending to me?"

"I'm sorry," Ratchet quickly said. "I am just tired, that's all. I didn't mean to come across that way." A few moments of silence passed as Pharma went from angry to pouty. "Anyways,"

"Yeah, anyways, how about that vacation?" Pharma spoke softly as his mood completely changed. "I can't wait to show you Delphi. Well, there really isn't much to see, but you can check out the changes I made here."

"Pharma-"

"And check out my medbay. Best of all," Pharma said with a lewd grin. "You can check out my quarters."

"About that-"

"It's pretty drab, but with you sprawled out adorning my berth, it should be a sight for sore optics," Pharma dreamily spoke.

"I can't come," Ratchet dryly said and Pharma just sat there with his jaw open. "I am very sorry, but I can't take a leave with how things are down here." 

"But you promised," Pharma spoke with a look of sadness on his face.

"I know, but I have to take it back," Ratchet said. "I just can't go."

"Why?"

"Because, the war is breaking out," Ratchet said. "It's just going to get worse. Some doubt it, but Prime says it's inevitable. And I agree with him."

"But there are other medics," Pharma whined. "I haven't seen you in so long, and I was really looking forward to seeing you. In fact, it has been the only thing I have been looking forward to."

"Pharma, being a medic yourself, you should understand," Ratchet said. "I hold an important position here, and I cannot turn my back on my responsibilities." Pharma sighed and pouted, looking as if he was going to cry. "I wish I could come. I miss you terribly, and it pains me to know that I cannot visit you like I promised."

"Will I ever see you again?" Pharma muttered.

"Of course," Ratchet returned, but Pharma sneered in disbelief. "Look, I am not happy about this situation, and I wish I could say to you I'll see you in the relative future, but I simply just don't know. But we will be together again, Pharma.

"Just not soon enough," the jet grumbled.

"I can agree with that, sweets," Ratchet said. "I love you Pharma, from deep within my spark and you know that's the truth, right?" Pharma nodded yes. "We love each other, and that will be enough to keep us together no matter the distance we are apart, right?"

"Yeah," Pharma agreed.

"We both knew this was going to be hard," Ratchet said. "We discussed this prior to you leaving, but this job was was the best for you, and while I know you may not feel it's perfect, I know you love it. Delphi is lucky to have you, Pharma."

"Sometimes I wish I never took the job," Pharma responded. "This way, I could still be with you."

"Don't say that," Ratchet firmly spoke. "I wouldn't want to stand in your way to shine. I wouldn't want to hold you back. And besides, you're still with me. We'll always have each other."

"I guess so," Pharma sulked.  
"I know so," Ratchet replied with a smile, hoping to brighten Pharma's mood. The two had talked for quite some time more before both bid their farewells. Pharma was getting drowsy and Ratchet was falling back asleep. With one last reluctant goodbye, Pharma watched the screen of his lover disappear, and let out a heavy sigh.

With a pout on his face, Pharma just sat there in silence. He had nibbled on his meal, but had since lost his appetite. Pushing the plate away, the jet crossed his arms on his desk and rest his helm down. The shock of Ratchet not being able to visit began to fully sink in.

'He doesn't love you.' The voice said after months of being quiet. 'He never did!" Pharma lifted his head and scowled. "He has been playing with you all this time, making you think he wanted you to take this job for your own good. You know why he wanted you here in Delphi...'

"Shut up!" Pharma yelled and clutched at his helm.

'Because you know I am right. Ratchet wanted you away, and like a good, blind, little fool, you believed him. How gullible you are!'

"That's not the truth!" Pharma stood up as if to fight someone in the room. He blinked a few times, and the room was just as empty as it always was.

'And who is this Prime? Hmmm? Of course, Prime doesn't Ratchet to go. Prime wants Ratchet all to himself!'

Tears welled in the jet's optics as he pondered what the voice said. Could it be true? Afterall, Ratchet wanted to stay with Prime, and not come here to Delphi.

'Now you understand?'

"You are wrong," Pharma sternly said. "Ratchet loves me, and wouldn't dot hat to me."

'Suit yourself,'

... ... ... 

Pharma grimaced as he clenched his hands on the snow. He remembered that night unquestionably, the spark ache of not seeing Ratchet stung just as hard now as it did then. He felt lonely. Like no one was there for him and never would be. Oh, what he wouldn't give to see Ratchet again. To tell him how much he loved him, and how sorry he was. And most of all, how angry he was that Ratchet wasn't there for him when he needed him the most, because things in Delphi changed. And for the worst.


	9. Chapter 9

"Aid!" Pharma growled and flipped his tool kit over, sending the contents flying across the ground with loud clangs. "You were told!"

"But all I want to know is why, Pharma." Aid meekly said. The smaller bot was openly fighting the urge to tremble. "I that too much to ask?"

"Yes!"

"Why? I demand that you at least have the ball-bearings to tell me to my face." First Aid firmly spoke and crossed his arms across his chest. "After all, you had to send Ambulon to tell me I've been demoted. I am just as good of a doctor as anyone here."

"Not me," Pharma grumbled. "But if you insist, I'll enlighten you. You have been demoted because you lost you focus."

"What?" First Aid argued. "How can-"

"You HAVE, Aid," Pharma hissed. "Just look at you, you've become sloppy, can't mix medicines to my specifications- mind you, I write down the EXACT formula, and you've become too obsessed with minute things."

"I don't think the Autobots-"

"It's not that Aid," Pharma sneered. "The fact that you rob the dead mech's of their symbols and display them in your room. You oogle over them more than you stay focused on your work." First Aid furrowed his optics. "Plus, it's creepy, Aid. Disgusting."

"That doesn't give you the right to knock me down to a nurse!"

"You should be grateful I don't demote your aft out of here! Primus knows how badly I would have liked that!" Pharma spat. "Unfortunately for me, it's not so easy to find mechs stupid enough to come here."

"Yeah, like how you were stupid enough to take this job," First Aid mumbled, not meaning for the jet to hear.

"What did you just say?" Pharma barked.

"Ah- nothing!" Aid stuttered as he slowly inched his way backward.

"WHAT did you DARE say to me?" Pharma growled, turned on this thrusters and flew over his desk. He landed right in from of Aid, and with a quick jerk, lifted the smaller bot off his pedes and slammed him against the wall. "Say it to my face!"

"I... Ah... I'm sorry Pharma," Aid squeaked. " I didn't mean it..."

"Practice what you preach, Nurse, and have the ball-bearings to say it to my face!"

"I ah..." First Aid mumbled, genuinely not wishing to repeat what he had said. Who knew how Pharma was going to react. But the jet gave him death glares, and Aid best get it over with. "I said, stupidly and not meaning it, that you were stupid enough to take this job."

Pharma heated up. If he could spit fire, he would have. How dare Aid have the nerve to say that to him! If it weren't for him, Delphi would not be here. He fixed so much crap that the previous CMO left behind.

"I am a damn good doctor Aid," Pharma spat. "And Delphi is lucky that I was as you claim, stupid enough to take this post. I could have gone elsewhere. And left you, and that bumbling idiot Ambulon with an incompetent doctor, ruining your career!"

'See? They don't like you Pharma,' the mysterious voice called out, and Pharma whipped his head around looking for its owner. 'They don't respect you, and frankly, I don't blame them!'

"Shut UP!" Pharma spat, causing First Aid to wince. The smaller bot attempted to squirm out of the jet's grip, but that just brought Pharma's attention back to him. "You don't realize how good you got it. I teach you, make sure your life here is as comfortable as possible, and... And this is how you repay me? By arguing with me, pushing me to my limits..." Pharma began rambling. "You are so disrespectful. And ungrateful."

"Pharma," First Aid cooed. "I.. Ah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that. I respect you. You are an incredible doctor, and it was wrong of me to say what I did." Aid treaded carefully, hoping this is what his boss wanted to hear. Sometimes Pharma was like that; wanting to be told how amazing he was. Aid hated it, but if it would pacify the angered mech, then Aid would do it. "You are so much better than Bolt. I learn so much from your expertise.... If only I'd listen better."

"That's right," Pharma said with a hint of a smile.

'If you say so...' The voice called out again.

Pharma released his grip on First Aid, who went crashing on the floor, and spun around. "WHAT?" The jet angrily growled, poised ready for a fight.

"P-Pharma," First Aid meekly asked. "Are you ok?" No answer, just Pharma glaring around the room snarling at nothing. "Are you feeling ok? DO you want me to run a scan?"

Glancing around his room, all Pharma saw was his berth, his tool scattered all over the floor, his data-pad cluttered desk, and the window with the dreariest view. Why did he keep hearing this voice? It had been silent for the longest time. Why did its ugly sound surface again? He became aware of Aid placing a servo on his shoulder and asking if there was anything he could do to help. For a second, Pharma wanted to spill his guts to his subordinate. He wanted to reveal the voice that he heard, about how his lover kept bailing on promises to visit and about how badly he missed Ratchet that it began to hurt. Primus, how long has it been since they sat at their comm pods chatting the night away? Too long. With a shake of his helm, Pharma snapped out of it.

"I'm ok Aid," Pharma spoke sharply. "I... I just need some fresh air."

"But it's nighttime..." Aid retorted.

"I'm a grown mech, Aid, I am not afraid of the dark," Pharma spun on his heels and headed for the door.

"What I mean is, it's not safe!' Aid spoke. "There has been a rise in attacks in the mines."

"I am aware of this Aid, and I can take care of myself," Pharma said and looked over his shoulder. "Be a good nurse and pick up this mess, will you Aid?" Pharma sneered and walked out the door.

 

.... ............ ...........

Pharma flinched. Even with the sun now shining, he felt the coldness creep into his core. How was he to know First Aid was right? How was he to know that danger lurked shortly outside the Delphi compound- probably not too far from where he lay now. The skies always provided safety for him. Except for that night. He realized now that just because he was off the ground, didn't make him any safer. Who knew how long he was waiting for him out there in the vast darkness?

... ..... ........ .......

The cold stifled his intakes at first, but once he sored through the cloudy night skies, his working engines warmed him up. Being out in the open air always made the jetformer feel better. Even if his troubles still plagued his mind- which tonight was no exception- just feeling the cool breeze upon his wings took the edge off.

His mind wondered to what First Aid said. Had he not really liked him? Pharma would play it off like he didn't care, but deep down it cut like a sharp knife. He did his best, performed the best surgeries and even attempted to teach his subordinates better techniques.

Like, for example, better ways to mix certain pain relievers. Or the best way to detect viruses. He even offered to go over a few thing with the two after their shift, but recently, neither took interest. But then again, he hasn't been in the best of moods, even Pharma could admit that.

He let out a longing sigh. How he wished he was flying to Ratchet's quarters, or even to his Dead-End medical bay. How he wished he could see him face to face, to be able to wrap his arms around the other medic and tell him he loved him. And missed him. To be able to hear his engines idle in recharge would be divine!

"Ratchet..." Pharma mumbled to himself. "Why has it come to this?" He recalled their last conversation, and Pharma embarrassingly lost his temper. Ratchet couldn't chat for long, and he had gotten upset. He argued with his lover and then hung up on him. He felt sorry for his actions. AT the time, he felt neglected. But now, he realized he should have been thankful for what time Ratchet had set aside to talk with him.

'You don't see the truth do you?'

Pharma winced. Not again. The voice never interrupted his flights! He tried to think of something else- anything else, and his mind thought back to his time with Ratchet at school. Back when their love was new and the two couldn't get enough of each other. Pharma loved feeling Ratchet crawl into their pushed together berths after a late night of studying. No matter how tired Ratchet claimed to be, he always made time to snuggle with him.

... ... ... ... 

'I knew you'd pull yourself away from the books sooner or later," Pharma had said as he rolled over to face Ratchet.

Ratchet couldn't help but smirk. 'I simply finished the chapters I needed to tonight."

'Sure,' Pharma teased. 'You don't have to make excuses to want to put your servos all over me.'

'Are my servo's ravaging your body?' Ratchet asked, and he felt the other mech grabbed his hands and rub them all over his body.

'Yes,' Pharma cooed and wrapped his arms around Ratchet's wider frame. 'And I love it.'

... ... ... ... ... 

Another sigh exvented from the jet as he replayed the caresses and touches received that night. Everything seemed perfect back then. Like they would always be together, snuggling in a berth, wrapped in each others arms and kissing.

'My my, how things change,' The voice spoke. 'And look where Ratchet left you. Here. Alone. A place where they send all the bad doctors!'

"Stop it!" Pharma had shouted, but he already knew it would do him no good..

'Ratchet doesn't love you. He played you like a fool. He just wanted to get you away so he could get a much better mech to be in his berth. Rubbing it in your faceplates that he got a better job wasn't good enough for Ratchet'

Pharma let out a frustrated scream and instead of flying in loose circles around Delphi, he kicked on his thrusters and sped away, hoping to leave the voice behind.

'Stop running from the truth,' the voice replied. 'Ratchet didn't want you around anymore for one reason.'

"What?" Pharma said out loud.

'Because he is a much better doctor than you. He was embarrassed by your incompetence.'

"YOU LIE!" Pharma spat and was about to shout more obscenities when a loud bang filled the air and intense pain sprang through his abdomen. He let out a scream and veered to the left, trying to flee the scene. However, upon turning, he felt something wedged into his plating- gone in one side and out the other entirely. The metal bar tugged, throwing the flier off balance. However, the second tug is what brought Pharma helplessly to the ground.

He landed on the ground with a hard thud. His optics were blurry from the pain, but he saw two silhouettes of rather large mechs walk towards him and peer down. Pharma tried to struggle, but all he managed to do was roll onto his back and let out a pain-filled groan.

"Well, look at what we found here," Shadow number one spoke. "Why, if it's not the CMO of Delphi. Just who we were looking for."

"Quiet," The larger mech called out in a deep tone. He stalked closer to the flier and landed a kick to the medic's midsection. When the jet howled in pain, the larger bot relished in the sound.

"Come now Doctor," The deep voice spoke. "Is that the proper way to treat a mech in need?"

"Wh- what do you want?" Pharma tried to sound intimidating, but the other two laughed.

Flicking on a light, the two mysterious bot's revealed themselves. "You are not in the position to ask questions, doctor." The taller, purple-faced mech said.

And it was obvious who he was. Tarn. Leader of the Decepticon Justice Division. Pharma tried to gulp down his fear, but it did no good. Being face to face with the dirty Decepticon that shot him down both angered and terrified him.

"Allow me to introduce myself to you, Parma," Tarn spoke.

"No need for complimentary greetings, I already know who you are Tarn," Pharma spat. "Word of your disgusting face travels far."

"Kaon, would you mind shutting him up for me?" Tarn grumbled and the smaller burnt orange and yellow bot grinned as he walked forward.

"Whatever you say, Boss!" Kaon chirped walked towards Pharma's head. He squatted and grabbed hold of the jet's wings.

"Get your filthy servo's off of me!" Pharma spat and made an attempt to pull away, but Kaon's grip was too strong.

"Aww. Looks like we got a feisty one, huh?" Kaon said as he glanced at the Autobot and grinned cheek to cheek. Pharma returned the glare and scrunched up his face to spit hurtful words, but he never got a chance. Crackles of electric charge ran up the pair of Telsa coils a split second before electric current ran through Pharma's body.

With optic's flickering, Pharma convulsed int he snow in the aftershock of electrocution. His body was in such pain! His mouth gaped as his extremities flinched of their own free will.

"If you wish to spare yourself this pain, I advise you to shut that mouth of yours and listen," Tarn grumbled and Kaon, who never let go of the flier's wings, laughed. 

With optics wide, Pharma nodded his head yes. As much as he hated the situation he was in and wanted nothing more than to blast these two cons to pieces, he was in no condition to fight.

"There's a good mech," Tarn spoke. "I need you to do something for me."

"Wh-what?" Pharma asked with a grimace on his face, however if it was from his anger or pain was unknown.

"I need you to gather T-cogs for me."

Pharma sneered. "T-cogs? Primus, what for?" For an instant, First Aid popped into the CMO's mind. Did Tarn like to collect T-cogs and set them up inside his room as decorations like Aid did with Autobot symbols?

"Because I need them. That is all you need to know."

"And why should I do this for some repulsive 'Con?" Pharma spat and tremored when he felt the hands on his wings tighten.

"Let me tell you a little secret," Kaon whispered. "Boss, here, is in a foul mood. And this back talk is pissing him off. You piss him off, you piss me off. I don't think you want a repeat of before, do you? Unless, of course, you like getting shocked. I heard you medics could get rather kinky-"

"Kaon, enough," Tarn firmly spoke and the other mech silenced. "Of course our dear doctor has a choice. He can either collect these T-cogs as I wish or not."

"And what happens if I don't?" Pharma asked. "Because I don't usually take orders from the likes of you."

"If you do not wish to do as I say," Tarn softly spoke as he knelt down and reached a servo to grab the medic's face. "I will simply get them myself."

Pharma sneered. Just what the frag was wrong with this 'Con? "Get them yourself then, you louse! Why would you need me then?" Pharma tried to pull his face free from Tarn's grip, but the Decepticon held tight.

Tarn shook his head. "That is an interesting thought. Kaon and I would enjoy walking the corridors of Delphi, hunting down your fellow medics. I think, what was his name again?"

"First Aid," Kaon said.

"Ahh, that's it. First Aid would be terrified, don't you think?" Tarn spoke out his fantasy. "Just imagine the fear in his optics as I throw him down on a mediberth and use his own tools to extract the device. Not to mention the excruciating pain he would be, for he would be online the entire time. If I listen carefully, I think I can hear him screaming now. And that mech would just be the first of many. You, of course, would be present to watch your medical facility crumble in front of your own optics. Everything you worked for would be destroyed. And at the very end, I will take your T-cog as well, doctor. Right before I crush your spark with my bare hands."

Pharma's face lit up with fear. He may be bothered by Delphi, but at least it was his medical facility. Being the CMO meant he had responsibilities. Although he would never admit it, he felt obligated for First Aids and Ambulon's safety, as well as the rest of his crew.

"I see you are thinking over your options," Tarn purred. "But you don't have to answer now. I'll let you think it over. But in three orns, I expect you to either to be here with T-cogs for me or I will hunt through Delphi for them. Understood?"

Pharma vigorously shook his head. "Y-Yes, Tarn, I understand!"

"Good," Tarn hummed as he stood up. "Kaon, release our friend here." He looked back at the CMO on the ground. "Remember, Pharma. Three Orns, meet us back here at this time-alone- with my T-cogs. We'll be waiting for you."

Kaon stood up and walked over to join Tarn.

"And one more thing, doctor," Tarn said over his shoulder. "Don't think that alerting your crew to our meeting, or anyone else, would save Delphi, for there are more than just two of us. The safety of Delphi is in your servos, Pharma, and yours alone."

Pharma nodded in fear and watched the two bots wonder off into the darkness. His body ached. His mind was numb. And he was afraid for Delphi. The last thoughts through his mind had been of the happier times with Ratchet before he passed out in the snow.

 

 

A/n- made a nice long one here! :D Hope you all enjoyed it! Even though I was supposed to work on my Trine story, I just had to get this chapter written.


	10. Chapter 10

The world became fuzzy. His vision melted into a blur. He had managed to drag himself far enough to see the lights of the medical facility of delphi. However, the lights danced across the sky as the world before him spun. Pharma wretched a few times before emptying his tanks in the snow.

The truth finally sunk in: he wasn't going to make it. Thinking he could drag himself back to the medical bay was false hope. He collapsed on his side. This was it. He would die on this miserable planet that he hated. He would never get out. 

His helm hurt. The world spun. He was scared. And the last thing he thought of was Ratchet. He remembered their days at the university, how Ratchet told him he loved him and how wonderful it felt to wake up in his arms.

"What... Went wrong...?" Pharma muttered to himself as his optics shut off and his vision went black.

'You know what went wrong," The voice said once again. "He's better than you, and he knows it. And look at what you had got yourself into. Are you going to ask him for help? Because if you do, he'll laugh at you. Just like how he laughed that you needed his help to get a job.'

"Sh...shut-up!" Pharma muttered.

'You are nothing without Ratchet.'

"That's..... N-not true!"

... ... ...

Ping.

 

Clang.

Like clockwork. Something was going on around him, yet Pharma didn't have the strength to online his optics. It felt like his head was in a vice. For quite some time, he felt periods of intense pain. It would lull away, but always comeback. Like clockwork.

He would hear muffled voices that were sometimes laced with aggravation. But in the end, the pain came back. The pain always came back. If this is what his life would be like, why did he have to survive? Perhaps he was still laying in the snow? No, he felt warm. Perhaps Tarn came back and was going to offline him?

... .... ....

"W-where am I?"

"Safe," A voice answered. 

"Where?"

"Back in Delphi," The voice returned.

"Primus," Pharma groaned. Back in Delphi. More like back in the pits.

"Just what exactly happened?" The voice questioned.

"Ugggmmm," Pharma grimaced. He recognized the voice. "Ambulon..."

"I've been up all night making sure you were alright, then pulled my shift, and returned to check on you. I'd expect you to be more appreciative." Ambulon replied sourly.

"Well, that explains a few things," Pharma said as he flicked on his optics. The bright light above him blinded him, and he rolled his helm to the side. Just his luck, he was looking directly at Ambulon's face, who wore a confused look. Pharma exhaled sharply. "Never were good with your timing."

"What?"

"Never mind," Pharma answered.

"Whatever," Ambulon replied as he swiveled around in the chair. He grabbed a seringe, flicked the cap off, and sunk it into a vial. He began to draw in some fluids.

"Scrap," Pharma replied and tried to sit up. A shooting pain throbbed in his abdomen.

"Lay back down. You aren't ready to get out of that mediberth yet."

"Frag off Ambulon!" Pharma shouted, but the pain was too great: he instantly fell back down.

"I warned you," Ambulon answered with a bit of a chuckle.

"Remind me, when I get out of here, to punish you for that!" Pharma spat.

"Whatever," Ambulon said as he spun back around with a needle in his servo. "Hold out your arm." The only thing Pharma gave Ambulon was a sneer. "Come on, Pharma. Don't fight me. I am tired. All I wanted to do after my shift was to go to bed. Instead, I have to look after you."

"I can look after myself!"

"Really?" Ambulon sarcastically said. "That's not the way I seen it the last night when I stumbled across your wrangled body miles away from Delphi. Now, give me your arm or I will pry it off you."

Pharma waited a few seconds, but finally gave up his arm. He silently watched as Ambulon readied the needle for an injection. "Is it gonna hurt, doc?" the jet bitterly asked.

"Yes," Ambulon dully replied.

"That's not the best thing to say to a patient, doc," Pharma jeered.

"It's a fraggin needle going into your plating; it's gonna hurt," Ambulon said. He pushed in the needle, then the plundger. "There. You were such a good boy, you should get a lolli."

"Frag you," Pharma muttered and started back at the ceiling with his optics closed.

"So what happened out there Pharma?" Ambulon pressed. 

"Nothing."

Ambulon snickered. "Really? Nothing? Then why did I have to surgically remove a harpoon from you?"

Scrap. Just how ws he going to talk himself out of this? He brought his hands to his face and messaged the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "I just... Flew into something. Leftover junk from the old mines."

"I found your battered frame on the complete opposite direction from the old mines."

"I was disoriented, Ambulon!" Pharma growled. "Musta crawled right past here..."

Ambulon shook his head in disbelief. "You where muttering about something. About someone..."

"If you think you wouldn't be dazed and confused after spearing yourself on the abandoned mine Ambulon, you are more than welcome to have a go at it," Pharma spat. "Now, if you wouldn't mind letting me get some rest."

"Fine. Whatever." Ambulon said. "Next time you crash, don't com me crying up a storm." He stood up and went to clean up his work station.

"I... I commed you?" Pharma said, more so questioning himself than wanting an answer.

"Yes, you did. And you scared me half to death with it," Ambulon responded. 

"Primus, I must have really been out of it," Pharma sneered. "To call a filty 'Con like you to come to my rescue."

Ambulon shot a glare back at his boss. "You know, a simple thank you once in a while wouldn't kill you, you know." He gave a hurt-felt glance at the jet, then threw up his hands. "Whatever. I am going to bed." He turned and walked away.

"Wait," Pharma sincerely called out. "Ambulon?"

The mech turned around. "What is it?"

"Where's my lolli?" The jet asked, followed by sharp laughter that didn't die down until he heard the medbay doors slam shut. Then, Pharma laid in silence as he pondered the request of transformation cogs from Tarn.

... ... ... ... ...

Pharma groaned as he sucked in the cold air in deep breaths. It had turned night on this miserable planet, which meant the temperature grew even more bitter. In an attempt to stay warm, the jet managed to pile up some snow around him to block the breeze that came from the west.

Uncomfortable. Freezing. And miserable. How long would he have to endure this? Pain ached through his body-worse than that night in his last memory- from the fall from the landing strip of Delphi and he has spent hours enduring it. Was it even worth continuing on? Without his hands, he could not function as a doctor. Scrap- after what he did, he wouldn't be allowed to practice anymore. What had gone wrong? Pharma grimaced as he offlined his optics to try to escape his tormented thoughts.

... ... ... ... 

After remaining that night in med bay, Pharma released himself the next evening upon discovering that there was an emergency and several minors were injured. Everything went to scrap in his one-day absence: Ambulon was doing a horrible job at running his suddenly overcrowded med-bay and Pharma had to ignore the pain in his side as he ran to the medi-berth. 

"What happened?" Pharma demanded as he tried to hide the pain he was in. "When did this happen?"

"There was a cave in at the mines. They came in way before dawn," Ambulon replied as he rushed to stop the flow of energon.

"Why does that not surprise me? It's only been a few weeks since th elast one," The jet muttered.

"We were due for one exactly two orns ago. I think they broke their record-"  
"Shut up," Pharma grumbled as he pushed Ambulon aside. "The only record broke was you managing to let a few of the miners slip away. You should have notified me Ambulon."

Ambulon wearily sighed and resigned to assisting. "You know, Aid and I kept everyone in here online. Those other mechs were brought in like that-"

"Don't try to cover up your mistakes," Pharma spat and held his hand out in which Ambulon just scowled at the blue jet. "Retracters, Ambulon. Don't get sloppy with me now." The tool was slapped in his hand and the plane continued with the surgery. He paid little attention to the other workers until all the patients were tended to. 

"How is everyone else?" Pharma asked.

"That was the last one," Ambulon replied. "The rest are in recharge. Crisis averted."

The jetformer slightly nodded and spun around to his workstation. Pharma was working on gathering his tools while Ambulon and First Aid walked to the off-lined patients.

"Guess we better finish up with them," Ambulon said grimly and First Aid nodded in agreement. They pulled their charts to begin filling out the paperwork on the deceased mechs.

Pharma was deep in thought about the predicament he was in: Tarn wanted t-cogs. While laying in medbay, he had wondered how he was going to get the cogs within the time frame, which was only one more night away. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw the other two covering up the three off-lined mechs.

Could he do it? Pharma dropped his gaze and bit his lip. 'It's not right,' he though to himself. And it was true: robbing mech's of their t-cogs was unethical. 'But they are dead, they won't need them.' Pharma shook his helm and continued with sterilizing his tools. Would Tarn actually seek revenge? A sharp pain in his side as he bent over told him the truth: yes. He let out a worried sigh as he tossed his tools into the sanitizer.

"Hey, Pharma?" First Aid said meekly. "Are you alright?"

Snapping out of his thoughts, Pharma turned around. "Yes, all things considered."

"We finished up with..." Aid gestured to the dead mechs behind him. "Them. The others are in stable condition."

"Recheck them in an hour," Pharma absently said.

"I will," Ambulon responded. "Do you need anything for your pain?"

Pharma answered with a grimace. "I can take care of it myself."

Ambulon shrugged and walked with First Aid toward the med bay doors. Pharma just watched them leave, then washed his hands, dug in the cabinets for some pain medicine, and injected himself. Once finished, he looked up at the trio of dead mechs.

'Can you handle it?' The voice said once again. 

Pharma twisted his face in agony upon the unwelcome sound. "Not now..." The jet grumbled and stood up. He gave the dead bodies a quick glance, shook his helm and walked out of the med bay. He needed a drink.


End file.
